Whatever.... [the sad ramblings of a young confused girl] part ii

9:20 PM 10/21/2007

Kick ass job? Kick ass robot? Kick ass pointer? Kick ass life? Well don’t get too ahead of yourself there girl get to know yourself first before you can do any of that. Now you know for sure that you’re not the partying type girl, you're a hygiene conscious girl but your lazy, you're close to god but people don’t know that. That is why you can’t do horrible stuff coz you don’t want to disappoint god. You went back to your family during Raya and you felt guilty for not trying your best to impress your father and mother. How disappointed they will be. You feel the need to make them proud. you have to much influence outside of you and you have just recently discovered all these opinions you have received has caused you to be confused with yourself so now you know how to balance it out. Just know what you believe in and stick to it! Later own umi will say that you don’t have your own principals. You do girl, even amri says so. You shouldn’t be like this; you're a tough girl who believes in herself so don’t be confused anymore. You stopped smoking years ago, and now you feel you need to stop coz you r noticing that you fingers are turning yellow. For now you have a goal, dun go back to sabah, regretting that you did not do your best the last month of your studies. You’ve been studying your whole life! This is your last chance. You’re not about to fall for a guy's stupidity! enough nonsense for now girl, you've calmed down so get on with your work.

THE ULTIMATE POWER IS CONTROL OVER ONE'S OWN MIND, BODY AND SOUL.

Once you achieve that, you are able to control anyone or ANYTHING you want. coz your response is usually what limits you, but if you are able to control your response, you are able to manipulate everythg around you. god gave you this power, its up to you to use it. I know girl, you are obsessed with the superhuman concept ever since you were little, now, and you get to practice it.

Whatever.... [the sad ramblings of a young confused girl]

1:56 AM 8/13/2007

Life is to exist and to survive. There is no such thing as a worthless human being nor is there such a thing as a worthwhile human being so stop trying to be neither.. I have become this person with no purpose no goal no motivation but to just survive whatever I have to go through in this life. I have no vocabulary, no art to interest, I've become empty, become undecided, unable to talk, unable to function, couldn’t care less, unproductive...whatever...huhuh...well what do I do from here on? It really doesn’t matter, as long as the money comes rolling in every month, I'm fine with it :D

What? Ambition? What? Family? What? Love? F*** that, to hell with that... don't really care... The only thing that matters now is my existence and my survival...in the end thats all that matters...how I survive this whole race, this whole battle this whole war...the last man standing is always the winner...so don't worry, I will be the last one standing, above all. I will be the survivor, I will be the one to live to tell the tales...tales of how I became emotionless, how I became cold...how the whole thing is just another tale to amuse others...stop trying to beat others, stop trying to prove something to others...just amuse yourself...amuse yourself.. F*** moral values, f*** opinions... f*** everythg...just do what you have to do when you have to do them.. F*** emotions... just get rid of them will you...look at this world as an object, as a subject as a variation, maths problem, stop trying to achieve something impossible.. Go for whatever that’s reachable in front of you, go anywhere beyond that, your just making a circus....hahaha...words, you don’t have it anymore... you've lost it all, you've lost touch of everything.. Know why? Coz u were too aggressive...too greedy that you wanted to be good at everything wanted to grow up faster than you should...well...now you actually did it.. For god sakes, your only 23 n already sick of life...lost vitality to life....it doesn’t matter Munira...there’s a reason why god put u on this earth...one of those reasons is to survive through it all.. Feel lucky enough to have been able to see the world this way...

Owh my dear God thank you for this...the gift of life you've given me, the gift of culture you've given me. The gift of art you’ve given me, to be born in this era, in this time....thank you...my life will be an amusement to the day I die...THAT's my goal...I love you god. For giving me this gift...

My sweet sweet life.....I'm fine...I'm seriously, fine...and I'm feeling...the adreneline...of going through this motion....