Actually published on FB Sunday, 27 February 2011 at 15:07
It is the end of February, and guess what, all hopes and dreams have all turned to be something else that is soo unexpected. Not sure what or how I feel about the whole situation.
(1) Transfer: rejected, reappeal, rejected, reappeal again ---> I can only pray it will eventually happen and I won't miss this opportunity
(2) Giving birth: pregnancy complications-placenta previa type II, normal delivery is almost out of the window, but it comes with its own surprise..Was admitted to hospital, now I am grounded to be at home, and I have more than 2 months till I am due! I'm the type of person who loves to work, but now I can't. Staying at home. only 2nd day. Nothing much to complain about.
(3) Spending maternity leave with Hubby: well at least one thing has a green light :)
(4) Have both my parents over : .............. its my parents.. I can't say much
(5) New car: hopefully in a few weeks time - but rethinking of necessity...I'm not gonna be needing to drive for a while...
(6) Go back to Sabah: If I am on long leave, and maybe I'd have to start using my annual leave, going back to Sabah might not be possible :| I am so sad~~
(7) Buy tickets to go to UK 2012: news maybe dad might wanna come back this year..and seriously this is not the time to think about holidays...I have surviving giving birth with minimal complications to go through first.
So this year, I'll spend ALOT of time at home. Its kind of a dream come true, with its own ups and downs. At the same time, I have so many loose ends that need tying up. Need to
-cancel my Astro - save money there
-clean fridge, there's milk in my fridge!
-bring my clothes back to KL - I only have enough for the weekend!
-bring my carpet, pillows, fan etc...whatever that can fit a car
-what about my letters??!!
-should I move out of my rented house? It'll be empty for a few good months, and rent is RM450/month! but what if I don't get transferred?? so confusing...
So there's probably a trip back to Kertih necessary, but I can't go...Need hubby and bro to go. Sigh~
I hope I won't be too much of an inconvenience to the people around me :[
I have to do this for baby :), don't want baby to have to come out when he's not quite ready yet... [elders say its because I'm too active, too much travelling, still going to site etc etc...really?? Only God knows why].
I can only pray to God that all will be well, in this confusing times...
Thursday, March 03, 2011
The year 2011
Actually published on FB Friday, 14 January 2011 at 15:48
There are a few things that I am looking out for this year. See I am the type of person who always has to plan ahead before making a move. I would put in at least my whole year calendar in, and in further details, needs to be 1-2 months ahead of time. I plan my weekend trips and events and so on.
Well this year is different. When I sit down and try to fill in my calendar, I am unable to. I can't go beyond 2-3 weeks. I seriously do not know what is going to happen. These are the things ideally I wish to happen:
(1) Getting a job transfer to KL
(2) Give birth normally (or at least safely) in KL/Sabah
(3) spend my maternity leave with my baby and Aman
(4) Have both my parents over during birth of my baby
(5) Get a new car (sell off old car)
(6) Go back home to Sabah during Raya
(7) Buy tickets for holiday in UK in 2012 (when baby is over 1 yr old)
and these are the things that could still happen:
(1) I don't get transferred - stuck in Kerteh with baby and need plan to manage that
(2) I give birth at other places than preferred as I am still working in Kerteh
(3) Having to spend maternity leave away from Aman
(4) My parents couldn't come to witness the birth of their first grandchild
(5) Can't get my car out (so many factors)
(6) can't go back to Sabah for Raya (overspent my annual leave)
(7) All else fails, can't afford the holiday anymore -.-"
These are just two possibilities that I am writing out. I'm thinking of more possibilities (God knows how complicated I think and overthink things). But the best thing of all is, I am still remaining very calm....(despite the thoughts of labour pains flashing through my mind every now and then).
Due date, 3rd May 2011.
There are a few things that I am looking out for this year. See I am the type of person who always has to plan ahead before making a move. I would put in at least my whole year calendar in, and in further details, needs to be 1-2 months ahead of time. I plan my weekend trips and events and so on.
Well this year is different. When I sit down and try to fill in my calendar, I am unable to. I can't go beyond 2-3 weeks. I seriously do not know what is going to happen. These are the things ideally I wish to happen:
(1) Getting a job transfer to KL
(2) Give birth normally (or at least safely) in KL/Sabah
(3) spend my maternity leave with my baby and Aman
(4) Have both my parents over during birth of my baby
(5) Get a new car (sell off old car)
(6) Go back home to Sabah during Raya
(7) Buy tickets for holiday in UK in 2012 (when baby is over 1 yr old)
and these are the things that could still happen:
(1) I don't get transferred - stuck in Kerteh with baby and need plan to manage that
(2) I give birth at other places than preferred as I am still working in Kerteh
(3) Having to spend maternity leave away from Aman
(4) My parents couldn't come to witness the birth of their first grandchild
(5) Can't get my car out (so many factors)
(6) can't go back to Sabah for Raya (overspent my annual leave)
(7) All else fails, can't afford the holiday anymore -.-"
These are just two possibilities that I am writing out. I'm thinking of more possibilities (God knows how complicated I think and overthink things). But the best thing of all is, I am still remaining very calm....(despite the thoughts of labour pains flashing through my mind every now and then).
Due date, 3rd May 2011.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
The ONE, or two...or three..?
There was so much talk on relationships and marriages today. And now I’m watching Sex and the City-more relationship stuff. It started when my work colleagues and I were sat at the round table during lunch, facing the golf course (yes, we had lunch at a golf course on a working day, aah the life). Somehow the topic ‘marriage’ surfaced and somehow it became the hot topic of the lunch hour. There was a mixture of people at the table, singles, half way singles, just married, married with kids, you name it. It was kind of nice that we could all sit together and talked about this openly. One of the hottest topic about marriage was ‘cheating’ or the thought of cheating. Funny how most women will think that this was unacceptable and men will say, this was normal. (bear in mind, this is culture in Malaysia, and Muslim men can marry up to four wives). Hey, along that thought, I wonder if this is still called cheating? Nah, not going to get into that.
So what’s my take on being married and men cheating? I grew up with this environment around. Apparently cheating was normal and it was happening all around. So many couples around me and my siblings growing up were cheating and gets divorced. I won’t say who as I don’t want the stories to be associated with anyone I know (apparently my cousin reads my blog too ;) ). There were stories too how people get married, then divorced and THEN they meet their soulmate. There was a question, when would men have the tendency to cheat? The answer was after you hit the 10 year mark, when all the kids have grown up, and the husband has already attained all the needed assets, and the relationship will probably have turned to routines. Then the men will have the tendency to so-called ‘test’ the market. And TEST it they will. They will feel the thrill of still being marketable, or even ‘hotter’ than when they were single! (of course this is only my imagination) Ok, so does this answer the question of cheating husbands? What about those, who was just married, and maybe just attained a kid and still have the means to cheat? What’s going on through his head? And gets found out by the wife, the wife forgives him, then once the wife thinks everything is back to normal, he cheats..yet again? What’s that about? Is he really happy with his marriage? Or is happiness not an issue? For men reading my blog, maybe you could give some insight?
These maybe some questions that I have from the top of my head, or even from the thoughts of some of my friends. I can honestly say most women worry about this, worry about the husband cheating or lying to her and she will figure out 101 ways to combat this, maybe preventing it from happening, or go mad once it happens. Nowadays, women are less accepting of the situation as compared to maybe 50 years ago, where women may very well just accept their faith as wives, listen to their husbands and bite their tongue while knowing their husbands are out there ‘testing the market’. Nowadays, women can stand on their own, are independent and feel that they do not ‘need’ men in their lives but could use the ‘company. Nowadays, marriages are about partnership, that’s probably why, women feel more betrayed when the husband cheats on them. It’s like this, you close-up and business deal with a partner, supposedly, but suddenly the partner still tests the market?? What is that about? See, I’m trying to give some insight for men reading this blog, why for women, cheating is so awful. Yes, we can minus the emotions, so I’m just trying to write from the logical point of view. This whole business can become so clouded when the arguing, screaming or even cold silences happen that each side will try to defend their side. No one can look at it clearly, so hung up on trying to defend their own reasoning as to why or how it has to happen.
Here’s the thing, for me as a wife myself, not just to my husband, but to all husbands out there, you closed the deal with me, it was a large investment on your part AND on mine. We’re not questioning the polygamy rule. But look at it this way. WE do not NEED a husband. We WANT a husband. We can live on our own. Buy our own car. Invest in our own property. Heck even some of us are CEOs. OK so there’s a question of kids. Fine, we can adopt, or even, marry without love. Done deal. All the needs are covered. But there’s something missing. Women are built for love and passion. So that’s where boyfriends and husbands come in. We grew up with the happily ever after theories all stuck in our heads and we all dream of being a princess..or even want to have the ‘ever after’ big wedding gown, complete with the wires that we can’t go through doors with. A grown man could fit under there. Its all in the dreams. But do we need it? NO? so in this case, why should we even have to put up with cheating husbands??
Yes, as women we have to be patient. I agree. I also agree, it happens. But WHY the cheating? Why not solve the issues first and only after it is decided that we can split-up only you can continue with whoever it is that maybe you’d like to close the deal with? In a partnership, everything is shared. Hence the term ‘partnership’. For me, yes I will try my best to keep the husband as happy as he can be, but please..it can’t be a one way thing. The husband too has to make the same amount of effort! Keeping a marriage is a challenge nowadays, what with the work load, the travelling, the postings, alongside the normal family and marital responsibilities.
OK enough about cheating. Let’s move on to nicer things that we talked about today. DATING. Hey this is a topic where I had to scan through my memories to the days that I was dating. That’s the thing with married couples, they don’t know how to be with anyone else anymore. True, the dating days was fun, but theres a deeper meaning and feeling when you’re in a marriage. Back to dating. I have always wondered what it would be like to date when you’re in your late 20s and early 30s. while this has nothing to do with my marriage now, and mainly because of the amount of time I spend watching TV show about single people living in New York, it seems like a fun thing to do. Of course, these people may be craving for what I have now (marriage) but from me, although I love my husband dearly, I still wonder what it would be like to be working, independent and single at this age. At this age, everything is less quirky or jumpy, activities are more matured and serious, and the best thing is, we can afford to pay for these activities! So I have some single friends, who at some point may be feeling the pressure of people our age getting married and having babies. But somehow to me, they should be having fun. The world is their oyster!
Take this scenario. You come home from work, at the end of the week. Your clothes were the ones that you could grab in the morning after you iron your husband’s shirt as you were late for work. Being the wife, you make sure the house is in place, dinner is ready, maybe you have a screaming kid before you even have the chance to sit down and breathe. Yes you love your kids and husband and it gives you the warm feeling inside. And then you’re tired again. Take two; you come home at the end of the week, with your most wonderful, sexy, confident outfit, pointy shoes, gorgeous earrings, excellent hairstyle that managed to stay up all day. You go and have your shower as you needed to hit the town that night with a bunch of friends. OK, fine let’s make it abit more realistic here in Malaysia. Most of your friends have to stay at home as most of them are married. So, you just go out with some of your single friends. Or your activity group, because you joined a dance group that goes out every week. You meet the most interesting people that don’t go to the same office as you, went to different universities from you, and why are they single? Because they work, and work and work and think they do not have enough time to date. Why did you meet him there? He was out with a client, so he was chilling off at the bar trying to figure out how to close the deal that the client didn’t seem very convinced about. He could be ‘THE ONE’. Owh wait..no. I don’t want you to join me now. He has friends, who are surfers, sky divers, musicians! Ahh, in your normal circle, there was NO WAY you could meet these people. Thinking about the ONE still? Didn’t think so. You want to travel the world! You want to see more things. Come on, how many surfers are there in Malaysia? How many people own yatchs? Yes, a yacht that could learn to sail! And owh, the surfer knows a saxophonist? See, you’re so glad you didn’t think the surfer was THE ONE. Otherwise you’ll be lusting over the saxophone everytime you get a free pass at the club he performs at. Hey you still have ‘story-of-your-life’ logbooks to fill right? c‘mon, what are you gonna tell your grandchildren when you grow old and unable to perform any of these things coz you have gout or arthiritis.
Did I paint a good picture? Its pretty colourful and exciting? I hope so. I’m not saying I’m resenting these moments. Because I had my share, oh yes, I had it all. Musician, army, car racer, pot head, dancing in the rain, (hubby gonna question this arghh nvm) and other things abit private to mention. And most of the other stuff did not involve a man. Yes, at the end of the day, you will want to meet THE ONE. Just don’t be convinced the one is around the corner. The one will only come after these people that excite you. And for all you know, the one, will be the average Joe, or the boy next door. That’s always your best bet. Why? Because they will love you with all their hearts, without having to worry about their music shows, or competitions, and no screaming chicks at their disposal. Who needs unnecessary competition, right?? And not to forget, a good parent.
And single guys out there, I salute you if you would like to meet the ONE and be with the ONE all your life. I salute you. You are what women need, and the answer to a healthier society, with less divorce rate and less family problems for the kids .
So what’s my take on being married and men cheating? I grew up with this environment around. Apparently cheating was normal and it was happening all around. So many couples around me and my siblings growing up were cheating and gets divorced. I won’t say who as I don’t want the stories to be associated with anyone I know (apparently my cousin reads my blog too ;) ). There were stories too how people get married, then divorced and THEN they meet their soulmate. There was a question, when would men have the tendency to cheat? The answer was after you hit the 10 year mark, when all the kids have grown up, and the husband has already attained all the needed assets, and the relationship will probably have turned to routines. Then the men will have the tendency to so-called ‘test’ the market. And TEST it they will. They will feel the thrill of still being marketable, or even ‘hotter’ than when they were single! (of course this is only my imagination) Ok, so does this answer the question of cheating husbands? What about those, who was just married, and maybe just attained a kid and still have the means to cheat? What’s going on through his head? And gets found out by the wife, the wife forgives him, then once the wife thinks everything is back to normal, he cheats..yet again? What’s that about? Is he really happy with his marriage? Or is happiness not an issue? For men reading my blog, maybe you could give some insight?
These maybe some questions that I have from the top of my head, or even from the thoughts of some of my friends. I can honestly say most women worry about this, worry about the husband cheating or lying to her and she will figure out 101 ways to combat this, maybe preventing it from happening, or go mad once it happens. Nowadays, women are less accepting of the situation as compared to maybe 50 years ago, where women may very well just accept their faith as wives, listen to their husbands and bite their tongue while knowing their husbands are out there ‘testing the market’. Nowadays, women can stand on their own, are independent and feel that they do not ‘need’ men in their lives but could use the ‘company. Nowadays, marriages are about partnership, that’s probably why, women feel more betrayed when the husband cheats on them. It’s like this, you close-up and business deal with a partner, supposedly, but suddenly the partner still tests the market?? What is that about? See, I’m trying to give some insight for men reading this blog, why for women, cheating is so awful. Yes, we can minus the emotions, so I’m just trying to write from the logical point of view. This whole business can become so clouded when the arguing, screaming or even cold silences happen that each side will try to defend their side. No one can look at it clearly, so hung up on trying to defend their own reasoning as to why or how it has to happen.
Here’s the thing, for me as a wife myself, not just to my husband, but to all husbands out there, you closed the deal with me, it was a large investment on your part AND on mine. We’re not questioning the polygamy rule. But look at it this way. WE do not NEED a husband. We WANT a husband. We can live on our own. Buy our own car. Invest in our own property. Heck even some of us are CEOs. OK so there’s a question of kids. Fine, we can adopt, or even, marry without love. Done deal. All the needs are covered. But there’s something missing. Women are built for love and passion. So that’s where boyfriends and husbands come in. We grew up with the happily ever after theories all stuck in our heads and we all dream of being a princess..or even want to have the ‘ever after’ big wedding gown, complete with the wires that we can’t go through doors with. A grown man could fit under there. Its all in the dreams. But do we need it? NO? so in this case, why should we even have to put up with cheating husbands??
Yes, as women we have to be patient. I agree. I also agree, it happens. But WHY the cheating? Why not solve the issues first and only after it is decided that we can split-up only you can continue with whoever it is that maybe you’d like to close the deal with? In a partnership, everything is shared. Hence the term ‘partnership’. For me, yes I will try my best to keep the husband as happy as he can be, but please..it can’t be a one way thing. The husband too has to make the same amount of effort! Keeping a marriage is a challenge nowadays, what with the work load, the travelling, the postings, alongside the normal family and marital responsibilities.
OK enough about cheating. Let’s move on to nicer things that we talked about today. DATING. Hey this is a topic where I had to scan through my memories to the days that I was dating. That’s the thing with married couples, they don’t know how to be with anyone else anymore. True, the dating days was fun, but theres a deeper meaning and feeling when you’re in a marriage. Back to dating. I have always wondered what it would be like to date when you’re in your late 20s and early 30s. while this has nothing to do with my marriage now, and mainly because of the amount of time I spend watching TV show about single people living in New York, it seems like a fun thing to do. Of course, these people may be craving for what I have now (marriage) but from me, although I love my husband dearly, I still wonder what it would be like to be working, independent and single at this age. At this age, everything is less quirky or jumpy, activities are more matured and serious, and the best thing is, we can afford to pay for these activities! So I have some single friends, who at some point may be feeling the pressure of people our age getting married and having babies. But somehow to me, they should be having fun. The world is their oyster!
Take this scenario. You come home from work, at the end of the week. Your clothes were the ones that you could grab in the morning after you iron your husband’s shirt as you were late for work. Being the wife, you make sure the house is in place, dinner is ready, maybe you have a screaming kid before you even have the chance to sit down and breathe. Yes you love your kids and husband and it gives you the warm feeling inside. And then you’re tired again. Take two; you come home at the end of the week, with your most wonderful, sexy, confident outfit, pointy shoes, gorgeous earrings, excellent hairstyle that managed to stay up all day. You go and have your shower as you needed to hit the town that night with a bunch of friends. OK, fine let’s make it abit more realistic here in Malaysia. Most of your friends have to stay at home as most of them are married. So, you just go out with some of your single friends. Or your activity group, because you joined a dance group that goes out every week. You meet the most interesting people that don’t go to the same office as you, went to different universities from you, and why are they single? Because they work, and work and work and think they do not have enough time to date. Why did you meet him there? He was out with a client, so he was chilling off at the bar trying to figure out how to close the deal that the client didn’t seem very convinced about. He could be ‘THE ONE’. Owh wait..no. I don’t want you to join me now. He has friends, who are surfers, sky divers, musicians! Ahh, in your normal circle, there was NO WAY you could meet these people. Thinking about the ONE still? Didn’t think so. You want to travel the world! You want to see more things. Come on, how many surfers are there in Malaysia? How many people own yatchs? Yes, a yacht that could learn to sail! And owh, the surfer knows a saxophonist? See, you’re so glad you didn’t think the surfer was THE ONE. Otherwise you’ll be lusting over the saxophone everytime you get a free pass at the club he performs at. Hey you still have ‘story-of-your-life’ logbooks to fill right? c‘mon, what are you gonna tell your grandchildren when you grow old and unable to perform any of these things coz you have gout or arthiritis.
Did I paint a good picture? Its pretty colourful and exciting? I hope so. I’m not saying I’m resenting these moments. Because I had my share, oh yes, I had it all. Musician, army, car racer, pot head, dancing in the rain, (hubby gonna question this arghh nvm) and other things abit private to mention. And most of the other stuff did not involve a man. Yes, at the end of the day, you will want to meet THE ONE. Just don’t be convinced the one is around the corner. The one will only come after these people that excite you. And for all you know, the one, will be the average Joe, or the boy next door. That’s always your best bet. Why? Because they will love you with all their hearts, without having to worry about their music shows, or competitions, and no screaming chicks at their disposal. Who needs unnecessary competition, right?? And not to forget, a good parent.
And single guys out there, I salute you if you would like to meet the ONE and be with the ONE all your life. I salute you. You are what women need, and the answer to a healthier society, with less divorce rate and less family problems for the kids .
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Obsessive, Compulsive Disorder
So let’s write something publishable shall we. I’m gonna write about…my OCDness….
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, OCD, is an anxiety disorder and is characterized by recurrent, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors (compulsions). Repetitive behaviors such as handwashing, counting, checking, or cleaning are often performed with the hope of preventing obsessive thoughts or making them go away. Performing these so-called "rituals," however, provides only temporary relief, and not performing them markedly increases anxiety. (from the National Institutes of Mental Health)
Ok let me check, recurrent, unwanted thoughts; every morning thinking, I’m going to burn down the house; checked, and/or repetitive behaviours(compulsion); checking the iron plug at least 3 times, checked too . Fine. I’m OCD, and its not the first time that I’ve heard of it.
Someone at work died a few nights ago. He was a guy who was almost retiring but he was good at his job (may God be with him). He was excellent that I even started to feel panicky when I first heard, as we did not have another one that could replace him and his expertise. We kind of became friends and his passion for his work became very apparent and I learnt so much from him. But he died, before we saw the end of our project that he helped to figure out. Well, when I heard the news, it took me hours to fall asleep, even though I was tired from the long journey. I kept seeing his face, his half smile. I did a lot of things to make me fall asleep. I played soothing music, I changed positions, I called my husband to talk me to sleep, then I would fall asleep. Only to wake up suddenly, to see it had only been 15 minutes. Then the ritual would start again, till finally, I found peace and fell asleep for sure. Poor husband, he only got to sleep at 5am. It was exhausting, and yet, that’s me. I do that. I have obsessive thoughts. I haven’t even started telling about the wedding process. But then again, weddings griefs are inevitable, right?
Let’s talk about small things.
Eating; I have to eat or chew, exactly the same amount of food for each side of my teeth. If it gets uneven, it have to move some food over to the other side. And when bitable food comes through the front teeth, the first and second bite has to be the exact same size. There’s no 3rd bite. Only 1st and 2nd. Then it goes to first again. (thank God I don’t think of anything for my drinks-and please don’t start, its tiring~)
While on the subject of food, here’s the thing. I never ever open a packet by the bottom. It has to be opened from the top. They made the packaging to have a top, so I think it should always be opened from the top. Even if its not directly from the top, it has to start from the top, NEVER from the bottom. And if it happens, something happens with my nerves and veins, you know, the annoyance….its unexplainable. And again, funnily enough, I couldn’t care less about my bottles or cartons for drinks. Funny that .
Top and bottom. Pillows have tops and bottoms. Blankets have tops and bottoms. While I have improved in this department, since I have a partner in bed now, I used to be so rigid on this. My old blanket used to have bears on it. And it has a front and back. So, when I sleep, the blanket has to be the right side up, and not upside down. ALWAYS. Came my husband sleeping with me, I used to get so annoyed that the blanket was upside down. So, I ended up not being able to sleep. In my head, its upside down, I need to turn it around. My husband was already half asleep. I was lying there so rigid, that it made my husband confused. He asked me what’s wrong? So I gave him a little laugh and said, don’t think weirdly of me, but the blanket is upside down. Oh well, thank god, he’s an excellent partner. He turned it up right away, so I was able to sleep soundly after that.
That’s just some of the things that happens in my daily life. I know for a fact, if I catch something in my thought, it stays there until I can finally have my own conclusion. If I worry about something, I will check it a few times, like the plug to my iron. The lock to my front door. Just high risk factors. I don’t check for the water tap. Or wash my hands a lot. I don’t arrange things with a ruler. Although I try to make things symmetrical. If it can’t be helped, it might as well be crumpled in a corner somewhere. See I’m not a neat freak, but I’m just OCD.
Wow, its tough to be me huh, quote from a friend; “how did you manage live to be 23?” and I just had to burst out laughing. For the record, I’m no longer 23..
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, OCD, is an anxiety disorder and is characterized by recurrent, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors (compulsions). Repetitive behaviors such as handwashing, counting, checking, or cleaning are often performed with the hope of preventing obsessive thoughts or making them go away. Performing these so-called "rituals," however, provides only temporary relief, and not performing them markedly increases anxiety. (from the National Institutes of Mental Health)
Ok let me check, recurrent, unwanted thoughts; every morning thinking, I’m going to burn down the house; checked, and/or repetitive behaviours(compulsion); checking the iron plug at least 3 times, checked too . Fine. I’m OCD, and its not the first time that I’ve heard of it.
Someone at work died a few nights ago. He was a guy who was almost retiring but he was good at his job (may God be with him). He was excellent that I even started to feel panicky when I first heard, as we did not have another one that could replace him and his expertise. We kind of became friends and his passion for his work became very apparent and I learnt so much from him. But he died, before we saw the end of our project that he helped to figure out. Well, when I heard the news, it took me hours to fall asleep, even though I was tired from the long journey. I kept seeing his face, his half smile. I did a lot of things to make me fall asleep. I played soothing music, I changed positions, I called my husband to talk me to sleep, then I would fall asleep. Only to wake up suddenly, to see it had only been 15 minutes. Then the ritual would start again, till finally, I found peace and fell asleep for sure. Poor husband, he only got to sleep at 5am. It was exhausting, and yet, that’s me. I do that. I have obsessive thoughts. I haven’t even started telling about the wedding process. But then again, weddings griefs are inevitable, right?
Let’s talk about small things.
Eating; I have to eat or chew, exactly the same amount of food for each side of my teeth. If it gets uneven, it have to move some food over to the other side. And when bitable food comes through the front teeth, the first and second bite has to be the exact same size. There’s no 3rd bite. Only 1st and 2nd. Then it goes to first again. (thank God I don’t think of anything for my drinks-and please don’t start, its tiring~)
While on the subject of food, here’s the thing. I never ever open a packet by the bottom. It has to be opened from the top. They made the packaging to have a top, so I think it should always be opened from the top. Even if its not directly from the top, it has to start from the top, NEVER from the bottom. And if it happens, something happens with my nerves and veins, you know, the annoyance….its unexplainable. And again, funnily enough, I couldn’t care less about my bottles or cartons for drinks. Funny that .
Top and bottom. Pillows have tops and bottoms. Blankets have tops and bottoms. While I have improved in this department, since I have a partner in bed now, I used to be so rigid on this. My old blanket used to have bears on it. And it has a front and back. So, when I sleep, the blanket has to be the right side up, and not upside down. ALWAYS. Came my husband sleeping with me, I used to get so annoyed that the blanket was upside down. So, I ended up not being able to sleep. In my head, its upside down, I need to turn it around. My husband was already half asleep. I was lying there so rigid, that it made my husband confused. He asked me what’s wrong? So I gave him a little laugh and said, don’t think weirdly of me, but the blanket is upside down. Oh well, thank god, he’s an excellent partner. He turned it up right away, so I was able to sleep soundly after that.
That’s just some of the things that happens in my daily life. I know for a fact, if I catch something in my thought, it stays there until I can finally have my own conclusion. If I worry about something, I will check it a few times, like the plug to my iron. The lock to my front door. Just high risk factors. I don’t check for the water tap. Or wash my hands a lot. I don’t arrange things with a ruler. Although I try to make things symmetrical. If it can’t be helped, it might as well be crumpled in a corner somewhere. See I’m not a neat freak, but I’m just OCD.
Wow, its tough to be me huh, quote from a friend; “how did you manage live to be 23?” and I just had to burst out laughing. For the record, I’m no longer 23..
Saturday, November 28, 2009
End of Days
Two days ago I went to watch ‘2012’ the movie. For the first time ever, I went to watch a movie, by myself. It felt weird at first, as what you would see in one of those TV ads, the person sits by himself watching a movie, then starts laughing but looked to the left and right, and there was no one to laugh with. I actually did feel like that. As I saw my friends later on that night, apparently most of them have done the same thing! See, my training session finished earlier than I expected. I was supposed to meet my friends around 8 to 830pm that night. So I had 3 hours to spare. I hadn’t seen 2012, when in fact a lot of people I know have watched the movie. I wanted to know what it was all about. I saw reviews on facebook, it made us think to repent etc etc. Regardless of the religion of the person, a lot of my friends were saying that. And then one of my friends said, it reminds me of Noah’s Ark. Or was it my brother who said that? Nevertheless, as I watched the movie, I realized, they were building ships, not spaceships. It was the catch of the movie I guess. Then I heard a friend say, its supposed to be the end of days, then why are there survivors??
This question has given me an inspiration to write this blog somehow. I know lately my blog has been boring. I was trying too hard to be interesting but it just became hard and I just stopped writing. Heck, I even stopped reading! Even after I finally found my ‘party of one’ book. Back to the end of days. Upon finishing the movie, I thought to myself, in such situations, where would I want to be, and who would I want to be with? What would I want to see before my final breath? Of course, I wouldn’t be ‘the president’ or Italy’s prime minister, leading the ‘last’ prayer. But it is a good deed to be doing upon facing our deaths. A friend said, I would love to be the little family hugging each other, accepting their death. Yes, it is a good thought that you could face the end, in the arms of your loved ones. I tried putting myself in such situations. Being with my loved ones. There’s my fiance’, my brother. But I live in Terengganu. My fiance’ and brother are in KL. Then there’s my sister, mother and father. My father has his own little family. My sister is with my mother. With all these complications, I thought, well maybe I should just face it alone, with God, I hope.
Comes to my next little thought. Where, I couldn’t imagine. No one really knows how death is going to feel like. It could hurt, it could feel of nothing, no one alive knows that. And yet, everyone alive WILL face it. Of course it is scary. The unknown is scary. So I was thinking, death is going to come nevertheless. So the end of days, is just death in multiples? If we were thinking individually. Is it so bad? You may beg to differ. I am just sharing my thoughts. Would you, as an individual, choose to accept the consequences around, or would you, actually fight to live? In this case, religions and beliefs have their own teachings. I will not discuss on that. We saw in 2012, that little family chose to fight for their lives, and they survived! Whereas those who stayed and prayed, did not. I know this topic may be controversial. I have had this thought all my life. God determines our fate. At the same time, tells us to fight for our lives and make a difference. It’s just a movie. But I saw the value. It could be the end of days. But none of us really know when is the apocalypse is going to happen. As told in Noah’s ark story, God cleaned up earth. But these species on the ark survived. It was not the end of days yet. The 2012 movie depicted almost the same message.
Millions of years ago, dinosaurs became extinct because they could not survive the earth’s surface changing. The earth’s plates moved and continents were changed. This is what happened in the 2012 movie. It was showing, how humans were intelligent enough to survive such catastrophe! Is it possible? There was a riddle asked during an office event. Which species or animal that can fly, but they have NO WINGS? And guess what the answer is. HUMANS! Human beings are intelligent enough to fly even without evolving wings. They can swim, and submerge underwater without fins. They can dig holes so deep like a mole. They can find resources and turn it into unimaginable things. Yes, ants can carry items so much heavier than its own body weight. But humans can build skyscrapers! Humans can build machineries!
We have seen various movies, where humans escape the apocalypse by going into space and so on. But the 2012 movie, I don’t know. It seems feasible. Nah, only God the Almighty knows for sure. As for me….I only have my humble thoughts to share. God is Great.
This question has given me an inspiration to write this blog somehow. I know lately my blog has been boring. I was trying too hard to be interesting but it just became hard and I just stopped writing. Heck, I even stopped reading! Even after I finally found my ‘party of one’ book. Back to the end of days. Upon finishing the movie, I thought to myself, in such situations, where would I want to be, and who would I want to be with? What would I want to see before my final breath? Of course, I wouldn’t be ‘the president’ or Italy’s prime minister, leading the ‘last’ prayer. But it is a good deed to be doing upon facing our deaths. A friend said, I would love to be the little family hugging each other, accepting their death. Yes, it is a good thought that you could face the end, in the arms of your loved ones. I tried putting myself in such situations. Being with my loved ones. There’s my fiance’, my brother. But I live in Terengganu. My fiance’ and brother are in KL. Then there’s my sister, mother and father. My father has his own little family. My sister is with my mother. With all these complications, I thought, well maybe I should just face it alone, with God, I hope.
Comes to my next little thought. Where, I couldn’t imagine. No one really knows how death is going to feel like. It could hurt, it could feel of nothing, no one alive knows that. And yet, everyone alive WILL face it. Of course it is scary. The unknown is scary. So I was thinking, death is going to come nevertheless. So the end of days, is just death in multiples? If we were thinking individually. Is it so bad? You may beg to differ. I am just sharing my thoughts. Would you, as an individual, choose to accept the consequences around, or would you, actually fight to live? In this case, religions and beliefs have their own teachings. I will not discuss on that. We saw in 2012, that little family chose to fight for their lives, and they survived! Whereas those who stayed and prayed, did not. I know this topic may be controversial. I have had this thought all my life. God determines our fate. At the same time, tells us to fight for our lives and make a difference. It’s just a movie. But I saw the value. It could be the end of days. But none of us really know when is the apocalypse is going to happen. As told in Noah’s ark story, God cleaned up earth. But these species on the ark survived. It was not the end of days yet. The 2012 movie depicted almost the same message.
Millions of years ago, dinosaurs became extinct because they could not survive the earth’s surface changing. The earth’s plates moved and continents were changed. This is what happened in the 2012 movie. It was showing, how humans were intelligent enough to survive such catastrophe! Is it possible? There was a riddle asked during an office event. Which species or animal that can fly, but they have NO WINGS? And guess what the answer is. HUMANS! Human beings are intelligent enough to fly even without evolving wings. They can swim, and submerge underwater without fins. They can dig holes so deep like a mole. They can find resources and turn it into unimaginable things. Yes, ants can carry items so much heavier than its own body weight. But humans can build skyscrapers! Humans can build machineries!
We have seen various movies, where humans escape the apocalypse by going into space and so on. But the 2012 movie, I don’t know. It seems feasible. Nah, only God the Almighty knows for sure. As for me….I only have my humble thoughts to share. God is Great.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Long Distance Relationships
I never used to think long distance relationships work. I would go from one relationship to another, trying my best to make it work, through the ups and downs, and then I move away...(it's usually me who moves). I think to myself, that's it, it's the end. Somehow, the guy usually says, who knows, it might work. Well, I would think to myself, maybe..but I seriously doubt it. The reason I have a boyfriend is to have a companion by my side, when I have my ups and downs. Not putting my sweat into making it work. Bearing in mind, I was very young when I started dating, I had my whole life and career ahead of me. How could I take relationships seriously?
[in the case of some people who might read this blog, who happens to be my ex-boyfriend, do forgive me, I do hope you understand, and I did truly love you then]
One of the major factors of me not believing in long distance relationships (or serious relationships in general) is my father. He used to say to me, "long distance never work, in the whole of my lifetime, I have never seen a long distance relationship work, except for one, your uncle and auntie..." . See, my uncle and auntie dated a long time and then they got married and had 3 children. Now their children are all grown up and they're having the time of their lives travelling nowadays. There was a phase in their lives when the auntie had to continue her studies overseas..but hey, they survived it! Not to mention the inter-racial marriage! This, I guess is a one-off thing.
Back to me constantly moving away from my then boyfriends. I would usually give some period of time for the relationship to work, with a very small percentage of hope and faith that it might work, even though my head says it is pointless. It would usually last a few months, and my record is over one year. And then, the time came for me to move on. You may be wondering what causes me to move on. If I had to go back and see what it was, I would probably say, at the time, I didn't want anyone to hold me back to all my life potentials. Not necessarily romantically, but more towards being successful in building my career and life in general. I used to say to one of my boyfriends (of course I broke his heart saying so), "I see this relationship as a benefit, not a necessity," and somehow, that statement was true for a very long time.
Now that I am engaged, to a man that I am having yet another long distance relationship with (the irony), I feel fine. Going back to the days of our courtship, I remember saying this to him, "I'm going back to my university after this, then comes graduation and first job. What happens next? I don't know. But how can you be so sure we can still be together after all those life changes?" He answered, " Who knows, it might work...(manalah tau...)". That remark made me thinking. Who knows? But regardlessly, being skeptical as I am, I still put the idea aside. There was too much ahead of me to be settling for this idea.
So what was it that made it work? Was it his determination or mine? Was it the fact that we went through so much that it made us grow fond of each other? Or was it the fact that, I opened my heart to the possibility of having him by myside for all eternity, and not worry about my so-called life potentials?
Whatever it was, somehow I believe it was fate (takdir & jodoh). It was meant to be, that whatever happened between us the past few years, it just made our bond stronger, regardless of being far away from each other. I always told my single friends, you'll know they're the one when everything falls into place too easily, and it feels like they're the one. Believe it or not, it exists, even the outside factor may not be as ideal as you would imagine.
So do long distance relationships work? They will, if both of you know, that you love each other that much. And both want it to work. Of course it will take alot of courage, determination, and most importantly, trust. Trust that you and your partner, would never in this world, do anything purposely to hurt each other, no matter what it looks like. So if you do not have any of the essence above, then, just stay away from long distance relationships, as you will break more hearts than you can handle, even your own.
[in the case of some people who might read this blog, who happens to be my ex-boyfriend, do forgive me, I do hope you understand, and I did truly love you then]
One of the major factors of me not believing in long distance relationships (or serious relationships in general) is my father. He used to say to me, "long distance never work, in the whole of my lifetime, I have never seen a long distance relationship work, except for one, your uncle and auntie..." . See, my uncle and auntie dated a long time and then they got married and had 3 children. Now their children are all grown up and they're having the time of their lives travelling nowadays. There was a phase in their lives when the auntie had to continue her studies overseas..but hey, they survived it! Not to mention the inter-racial marriage! This, I guess is a one-off thing.
Back to me constantly moving away from my then boyfriends. I would usually give some period of time for the relationship to work, with a very small percentage of hope and faith that it might work, even though my head says it is pointless. It would usually last a few months, and my record is over one year. And then, the time came for me to move on. You may be wondering what causes me to move on. If I had to go back and see what it was, I would probably say, at the time, I didn't want anyone to hold me back to all my life potentials. Not necessarily romantically, but more towards being successful in building my career and life in general. I used to say to one of my boyfriends (of course I broke his heart saying so), "I see this relationship as a benefit, not a necessity," and somehow, that statement was true for a very long time.
Now that I am engaged, to a man that I am having yet another long distance relationship with (the irony), I feel fine. Going back to the days of our courtship, I remember saying this to him, "I'm going back to my university after this, then comes graduation and first job. What happens next? I don't know. But how can you be so sure we can still be together after all those life changes?" He answered, " Who knows, it might work...(manalah tau...)". That remark made me thinking. Who knows? But regardlessly, being skeptical as I am, I still put the idea aside. There was too much ahead of me to be settling for this idea.
So what was it that made it work? Was it his determination or mine? Was it the fact that we went through so much that it made us grow fond of each other? Or was it the fact that, I opened my heart to the possibility of having him by myside for all eternity, and not worry about my so-called life potentials?
Whatever it was, somehow I believe it was fate (takdir & jodoh). It was meant to be, that whatever happened between us the past few years, it just made our bond stronger, regardless of being far away from each other. I always told my single friends, you'll know they're the one when everything falls into place too easily, and it feels like they're the one. Believe it or not, it exists, even the outside factor may not be as ideal as you would imagine.
So do long distance relationships work? They will, if both of you know, that you love each other that much. And both want it to work. Of course it will take alot of courage, determination, and most importantly, trust. Trust that you and your partner, would never in this world, do anything purposely to hurt each other, no matter what it looks like. So if you do not have any of the essence above, then, just stay away from long distance relationships, as you will break more hearts than you can handle, even your own.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Saya Anak Malaysia JUGA!!
Not an entry by me, but I'd like to keep this article as I love it and I'm sure alot of us can relate to this:
The Star Online
Monday August 31, 2009
Hello, stranger!
By PHILIP GOLINGAI
Peninsular Malaysians could do their part by learning more about their ‘cousins’ in Sabah.
OH, you’re not an Indian. I always thought you were an Indian,” an avid reader of The Star said when I was first introduced to him in a cafe in Bangsar a few years ago.
“Huh?” I said, almost choking on my cafe latte. “How did you come to that conclusion?”
Philip Golingai and Vera on their wedding day in Penampang in 2007. Inset: Their daughter Apsara. – Photo by ANNA RINA
“Golingai does not sound like a Malay or Chinese name therefore you must be an Indian,” explained the 30-something man from peninsular Malaysia.
In his challenged mind, there were only three races in Malaysia. And consequently he failed to consider the “dan lain lain” (others) in his racial profiling of my surname.
If he did, he might have thought outside the box (or in the Malaysian context - outside the coconut shell) and come to the realisation that a Golingai might be a Bajau, Bidayuh, Iban, Kadazandusun, Rungus or Sandakanite.
I made up the last race. There’s no Sandakanite race. Nevertheless, there are Malaysians who think Sandakanite is an indigenous ethnic group from Sabah.
And since we are on the topic of race, let me share a conversation I have from time to time with orang semenanjung (people from Peninsular Malaysia).
Uncle: “Where are you from?”
Me: “Sabah.”
Uncle: “You must be an Iban.”
Me: “No, I’m a Kadazandusun.”
Uncle: “Oh, Pairin punya orang (Datuk Joseph Pairin Kitingan’s people).”
Me: “Yes.”
(FYI: Malaysian Ibans are predominantly found in Sarawak, Sabah’s neighbour.) Yes, there are orang semenanjung who are katak dalam tempurung (a frog inside a coconut shell) when it comes to basic knowledge about their fellow compatriots living in the island of Borneo.
Recently, sabahforum.com, an online forum to discuss issues related to Sabah, enquired: “What are the funny questions asked about Sabah?” Its readers’ responses are typical questions a Sabahan encounters in Peninsular Malaysia.
“Do you visit Malaysia often?”, “Is the ringgit used in Sabah?”, “Did you come to Malaysia by train?” and - the all time classic - “Do you live in trees?”
But to be fair, not all orang semenanjung are ignoramus. There are some who have intimate knowledge of all things Sabah. For example, my Penangite colleague knows where to find the best char kway teow in Kota Kinabalu and why a non-Sabahan politician keeps going to Sabah.
One of the biggest misconceptions Malaysians have of Sabah is when the state joined Malaysia. I must confess that I too was ignorant of how Malaysia was formed. Either I slept through my secondary school history class or the history books overemphasised Merdeka (August 31, 1957, the day Malaya gained its independence).
My introduction to Malaysia 101 was during the height of Parti Bersatu Sabah’s “Sabah for Sabahans” campaign in the 1980s. Pairin’s PBS harped on the 20-point agreement (including safeguards on matters of immigration, religion, language and education) signed when North Borneo (as Sabah was known then), Sarawak, Singapore and Malaya formed Malaysia on Sept 16, 1963.
The sore point for many Sabahans is August 31, 1957 and not Sept 16, 1963 is emphasised during National Day celebrations. In that birthday snub, they feel that Sabah’s contribution to the formation of Malaysia has been neglected.
And to answer a question which has become a mini-debate in sabahforum.com, Malaysia is 46-years-old and not 52.
I’m four years younger than Malaysia. And I’ve lived about half of my life in the Klang Valley. I like to joke with Sabahans back home that I’m working and living in the capital of Malaysia to reap the benefits of being a Malaysian.
Currently, I’m working and living in Bangkok. And the favourite question Thais would ask me especially when they see Apsara, my 10-month-old baby who resembles a Manga doll, is: “Are you Japanese?” When I answer, “Malaysian”, the typical reply from Bangkokians is “Malay?”
If I have the patience, I will explain that Malaysia consists mainly of Malay, Chinese and Indians. And if I have the time, I will explain about Malaysia’s “dan lain lain”.
“The Kadazandusuns and Iban of Borneo are like the hilltribes,” I explained, referring to the indigenous communities such as Akha, Lahu or Karen living along Thailand’s northern borders.
And through my conversation with them I realised that Bangkokians too have their racial stereotypes. They look down on the hilltribe communities as they think they are not Thai but people from Thailand’s northern neighbours.
And some of them think that the hilltribe communities live in trees.
Sometimes we learn to appreciate the peace in Malaysia from the outside. And I’ve done that during my assignments to cover religious and ethnic conflict in Malaysia’s immediate neighbours - Protestants vs Muslims in Poso, Sulawesi in Indonesia, Catholics vs Muslims in Cotabato, Mindanao in Philippines and Muslims vs Buddhists in southern Thailand.
When I hear the gripping stories from the victims of religious and ethnic violence, it makes me think what would happen if Sabah was not part of Malaysia.
Of course, we can still work on creating better understanding and real knowledge among Malaysians on both sides of the big pond so that we can bridge our differences and become truly 1Malaysia. But still, I can honestly say with love and pride: Three cheers to Malaysia. And, as we say it in Sabah - Aramai ti! (let’s be merry!).
Philip Golingai is The Star’s Thailand correspondent and the editor of Asia News Network, an alliance of 21 Asian newspapers.
****************************************************************************
Well, now comes my part of the story. Some of the most stupid questions or remarks asked were; What currency is used in Sabah? Or When did you move to Malaysia? (Sabah is still Malaysia -.-")
Ever since I moved to Peninsular Malaysia, I have never stopped getting these remarks. They just ring at the back of my head, but over the years I have learnt to keep myself from giving a sarcastic remark (because I don't believe in embarrassing people).
In the first few days of my university during induction, people often stared at me and started speaking English to me and ask where do you come from, Vietnam? And when I reply, no, I'm from Sabah, they always say, oh, no wonder... I received this quite a few times and started to get curious myself. Why do people always say no wonder? I decided to ask a friend, and she said that, it's because I look different. I'm not chinese, nor am I Malay, hence what Philip was saying in the article, why didn't they think of the 'other Malaysians'? Why does it always have to be, you're either Malay, Chinese, Indian or you're international. What if you have a Portugese heritage? Or Iban, Kadazan, Dusun...or what Philip referred to as Sandakanite, one of them is Sungai, which most people think is probably just a joke. It's a real ethnic, and I'm IT! Seriously, my birth certificate says so.
Having a Borneo background, I have always had the opportunity to learn about new cultures, traditions and ethnicity. Not one wedding is the same to the next wedding I attend to in Sabah. I will always be amazed with new things I discover from one wedding to the next. It's a fusion of traditions united together and personally, I feel that people who refuse to see, learn and believe that the world is a wide place have a lot to loose. Especially those that are rigid to think, things should only be, or are only as they are.
I remember in my primary school days. My ethnic background is Sungai and since I lived in Kota Kinabalu, people were not very well aware of this ethnicity. The kids used to laugh at me everytime the teacher points it out. But when I go back to Sandakan, Sungai is a very common ethnicity. It shows how large Sabah is. Mind you, I still do get the jokes on that to this day, everytime I say my ethnicity is Sungai. They would usually say, Are you sure it's not laut? (Sungai=River, Laut=Sea).
When I went to college in Labuan, I learnt some major new things. Sarawak! Little did I know, growing up in Sabah, that Sarawak is as rich in culture and ethnics as it is in Sabah! There is bahasa melayu Sarawak, which I learnt to speak almost fluently over the years. And I'm pretty sure my Sarawakian counterparts also learnt about Sabahans! I remember some of us talking saying that either Sabah or Sarawak malay language sounds abit like Malayan (term used for Peninsular Malaysia). In fact, we were trying to speak a common language to be understood by each other, which is what we know from the TV, melayu semenanjung.
Speaking of calling Peninsular Malaysia, Malaya, this is the argument. On 31st of August 1957, MALAYA became independent, not MALAYSIA. Malaysia was formed in 1963, which in turn makes Sabahans feel that it's pointless to celebrate 31st August. To make it worse, 16th September is not even commemorated! We Sabahans have grown a slight dislike towards the West of Malaysia because of this imbalance, when in fact if we wanted to compare the cross-sectional area of the land and possibly the population, us East Malaysians consist of probably half of what Malaysia is. Nevertheless, I can see that it is slowly improving. The government TV channels have already started to have documentaries on East Malaysia, and we are also being recognised now in Parliament and the entertainment world. All there is left to do is for us, especially our friends in West Malaysia, to become less ignorant, and more aware on our existence and contribution for our country, as what we call as Malaysia.
Not MALAYA, not BORNEO, but MALAYSIA.......
The Star Online
Monday August 31, 2009
Hello, stranger!
By PHILIP GOLINGAI
Peninsular Malaysians could do their part by learning more about their ‘cousins’ in Sabah.
OH, you’re not an Indian. I always thought you were an Indian,” an avid reader of The Star said when I was first introduced to him in a cafe in Bangsar a few years ago.
“Huh?” I said, almost choking on my cafe latte. “How did you come to that conclusion?”
Philip Golingai and Vera on their wedding day in Penampang in 2007. Inset: Their daughter Apsara. – Photo by ANNA RINA
“Golingai does not sound like a Malay or Chinese name therefore you must be an Indian,” explained the 30-something man from peninsular Malaysia.
In his challenged mind, there were only three races in Malaysia. And consequently he failed to consider the “dan lain lain” (others) in his racial profiling of my surname.
If he did, he might have thought outside the box (or in the Malaysian context - outside the coconut shell) and come to the realisation that a Golingai might be a Bajau, Bidayuh, Iban, Kadazandusun, Rungus or Sandakanite.
I made up the last race. There’s no Sandakanite race. Nevertheless, there are Malaysians who think Sandakanite is an indigenous ethnic group from Sabah.
And since we are on the topic of race, let me share a conversation I have from time to time with orang semenanjung (people from Peninsular Malaysia).
Uncle: “Where are you from?”
Me: “Sabah.”
Uncle: “You must be an Iban.”
Me: “No, I’m a Kadazandusun.”
Uncle: “Oh, Pairin punya orang (Datuk Joseph Pairin Kitingan’s people).”
Me: “Yes.”
(FYI: Malaysian Ibans are predominantly found in Sarawak, Sabah’s neighbour.) Yes, there are orang semenanjung who are katak dalam tempurung (a frog inside a coconut shell) when it comes to basic knowledge about their fellow compatriots living in the island of Borneo.
Recently, sabahforum.com, an online forum to discuss issues related to Sabah, enquired: “What are the funny questions asked about Sabah?” Its readers’ responses are typical questions a Sabahan encounters in Peninsular Malaysia.
“Do you visit Malaysia often?”, “Is the ringgit used in Sabah?”, “Did you come to Malaysia by train?” and - the all time classic - “Do you live in trees?”
But to be fair, not all orang semenanjung are ignoramus. There are some who have intimate knowledge of all things Sabah. For example, my Penangite colleague knows where to find the best char kway teow in Kota Kinabalu and why a non-Sabahan politician keeps going to Sabah.
One of the biggest misconceptions Malaysians have of Sabah is when the state joined Malaysia. I must confess that I too was ignorant of how Malaysia was formed. Either I slept through my secondary school history class or the history books overemphasised Merdeka (August 31, 1957, the day Malaya gained its independence).
My introduction to Malaysia 101 was during the height of Parti Bersatu Sabah’s “Sabah for Sabahans” campaign in the 1980s. Pairin’s PBS harped on the 20-point agreement (including safeguards on matters of immigration, religion, language and education) signed when North Borneo (as Sabah was known then), Sarawak, Singapore and Malaya formed Malaysia on Sept 16, 1963.
The sore point for many Sabahans is August 31, 1957 and not Sept 16, 1963 is emphasised during National Day celebrations. In that birthday snub, they feel that Sabah’s contribution to the formation of Malaysia has been neglected.
And to answer a question which has become a mini-debate in sabahforum.com, Malaysia is 46-years-old and not 52.
I’m four years younger than Malaysia. And I’ve lived about half of my life in the Klang Valley. I like to joke with Sabahans back home that I’m working and living in the capital of Malaysia to reap the benefits of being a Malaysian.
Currently, I’m working and living in Bangkok. And the favourite question Thais would ask me especially when they see Apsara, my 10-month-old baby who resembles a Manga doll, is: “Are you Japanese?” When I answer, “Malaysian”, the typical reply from Bangkokians is “Malay?”
If I have the patience, I will explain that Malaysia consists mainly of Malay, Chinese and Indians. And if I have the time, I will explain about Malaysia’s “dan lain lain”.
“The Kadazandusuns and Iban of Borneo are like the hilltribes,” I explained, referring to the indigenous communities such as Akha, Lahu or Karen living along Thailand’s northern borders.
And through my conversation with them I realised that Bangkokians too have their racial stereotypes. They look down on the hilltribe communities as they think they are not Thai but people from Thailand’s northern neighbours.
And some of them think that the hilltribe communities live in trees.
Sometimes we learn to appreciate the peace in Malaysia from the outside. And I’ve done that during my assignments to cover religious and ethnic conflict in Malaysia’s immediate neighbours - Protestants vs Muslims in Poso, Sulawesi in Indonesia, Catholics vs Muslims in Cotabato, Mindanao in Philippines and Muslims vs Buddhists in southern Thailand.
When I hear the gripping stories from the victims of religious and ethnic violence, it makes me think what would happen if Sabah was not part of Malaysia.
Of course, we can still work on creating better understanding and real knowledge among Malaysians on both sides of the big pond so that we can bridge our differences and become truly 1Malaysia. But still, I can honestly say with love and pride: Three cheers to Malaysia. And, as we say it in Sabah - Aramai ti! (let’s be merry!).
Philip Golingai is The Star’s Thailand correspondent and the editor of Asia News Network, an alliance of 21 Asian newspapers.
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Well, now comes my part of the story. Some of the most stupid questions or remarks asked were; What currency is used in Sabah? Or When did you move to Malaysia? (Sabah is still Malaysia -.-")
Ever since I moved to Peninsular Malaysia, I have never stopped getting these remarks. They just ring at the back of my head, but over the years I have learnt to keep myself from giving a sarcastic remark (because I don't believe in embarrassing people).
In the first few days of my university during induction, people often stared at me and started speaking English to me and ask where do you come from, Vietnam? And when I reply, no, I'm from Sabah, they always say, oh, no wonder... I received this quite a few times and started to get curious myself. Why do people always say no wonder? I decided to ask a friend, and she said that, it's because I look different. I'm not chinese, nor am I Malay, hence what Philip was saying in the article, why didn't they think of the 'other Malaysians'? Why does it always have to be, you're either Malay, Chinese, Indian or you're international. What if you have a Portugese heritage? Or Iban, Kadazan, Dusun...or what Philip referred to as Sandakanite, one of them is Sungai, which most people think is probably just a joke. It's a real ethnic, and I'm IT! Seriously, my birth certificate says so.
Having a Borneo background, I have always had the opportunity to learn about new cultures, traditions and ethnicity. Not one wedding is the same to the next wedding I attend to in Sabah. I will always be amazed with new things I discover from one wedding to the next. It's a fusion of traditions united together and personally, I feel that people who refuse to see, learn and believe that the world is a wide place have a lot to loose. Especially those that are rigid to think, things should only be, or are only as they are.
I remember in my primary school days. My ethnic background is Sungai and since I lived in Kota Kinabalu, people were not very well aware of this ethnicity. The kids used to laugh at me everytime the teacher points it out. But when I go back to Sandakan, Sungai is a very common ethnicity. It shows how large Sabah is. Mind you, I still do get the jokes on that to this day, everytime I say my ethnicity is Sungai. They would usually say, Are you sure it's not laut? (Sungai=River, Laut=Sea).
When I went to college in Labuan, I learnt some major new things. Sarawak! Little did I know, growing up in Sabah, that Sarawak is as rich in culture and ethnics as it is in Sabah! There is bahasa melayu Sarawak, which I learnt to speak almost fluently over the years. And I'm pretty sure my Sarawakian counterparts also learnt about Sabahans! I remember some of us talking saying that either Sabah or Sarawak malay language sounds abit like Malayan (term used for Peninsular Malaysia). In fact, we were trying to speak a common language to be understood by each other, which is what we know from the TV, melayu semenanjung.
Speaking of calling Peninsular Malaysia, Malaya, this is the argument. On 31st of August 1957, MALAYA became independent, not MALAYSIA. Malaysia was formed in 1963, which in turn makes Sabahans feel that it's pointless to celebrate 31st August. To make it worse, 16th September is not even commemorated! We Sabahans have grown a slight dislike towards the West of Malaysia because of this imbalance, when in fact if we wanted to compare the cross-sectional area of the land and possibly the population, us East Malaysians consist of probably half of what Malaysia is. Nevertheless, I can see that it is slowly improving. The government TV channels have already started to have documentaries on East Malaysia, and we are also being recognised now in Parliament and the entertainment world. All there is left to do is for us, especially our friends in West Malaysia, to become less ignorant, and more aware on our existence and contribution for our country, as what we call as Malaysia.
Not MALAYA, not BORNEO, but MALAYSIA.......
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