Star-struck!

Star-struck

Adjective Fascinated or greatly impressed by famous people, especially those connected with cinema or theatre

I got the idea for the title from a friend of mine who wrote about another star. I wanted to write this blog to let go of the death of my star.

Back when I was living in the UK, I had this obsession with a star. I would listen to his songs day and night, write out all the lyrics of his songs in my little notebook, and buy all his magazines, so I can paste his posters on the wall. True enough, I remember one side of my wall was posted ceiling to floor (or where my bed starts) with his posters, from all his concerts, or just photo shoots. I did a drawing of his face and worked very hard at it. It really did look like him. My mother didn’t mind, because I am guessing that she too was a fanJ. It came to a point that my siblings too loved listening to his songs; I played it enough for them to love him. I remember feeling gutted because he went to Malaysia in 1997….while I was in the UK! Nevertheless, I reserved myself till maybe I will be able to afford to see him.

And then came a point of my life that everything changed. I was at another part of the world and life was hard to adjust to. Of course I had to grow out of the obsession. I have never been obsessed with any other star, as was I obsessed with him. Of course, there were other stars that I was just star-struck with. But usually, I couldn’t care less of their personal lives. They reserve that right for themselves. It applies to my star, but he was the only one that I cared to find out where he was born, grew up, who were his wives, and who were his children.

And then came the day that he died. I was at my mother’s house. I remember while I was half asleep, when my siblings were hustling about wanting to switch on the TV, is it true? Is it true? He died! I was thinking, it had to come, everyone dies! But then when my mother was telling me, “Nira, he has died, your dearest has died! [Kesayangan mu sudah mati]”, it struck me. Somehow I felt a block in my heart. What is this I am feeling? I needed to know what happened. I was waiting for the news all day long. I was quiet no matter what my mother was saying. “ Nda kau menangis, Munira? Kau kan nda berenti dulu dengar lagu nya”. My sister was saying, “ I think I started to like to listen to him because of Munira.” “Yeah, me too!” my brother added. Everyone was talking about him all day long. “Mana nda, kalau kamu dalam perut lagi Umi sudah hari-hari dengar lagu nya tu dulu!”. Well, that’s probably why. I was serenaded with his songs even before I understood what it was.

The day passed. As I was driving home with my siblings late that night, I confessed to my sister, “You know, in fact I am devastated by his death. But I can’t cry because of what Umi has been saying all day long, that I loved him. I didn’t want to seem lame by crying”. “Well, you won’t be lame if you cry now,” she replied. I am thinking, no, I can’t still. But I kept my emotions buried as the week passed. I wouldn’t stop listening to his songs. Then came one night that I burst out crying. I called my fiancé’ about it. Of course he didn’t know what to do with me. He found it weird but of course, being a dear he didn’t say that. It was me that said, you must find this weird…and he said yes! Hahah...but I understood. I found it weird too. As I mentioned before, usually, when I like a star, I couldn’t care less for the personal life. But with him, I don’t know…I am...what you may say…STAR STRUCK